FINAL POEM REVIEWS

Cassandra's reviews

Camden’s “He Loved Like His Christ”

On its own, this piece is pretty heavy. Of course, it ends in the death of our main character, and even before we get to that most depressing part, everything that comes before it is…downpulling (the opposite of uplifting; I don’t want to call any poem “depressing” too many times or David will disagree with me!). But that’s clearly the point, without reading an explanatory comment from you; you as the writer are trying to make us readers look at the life of this man, just recognize it.

I only have one issue, which comes only after reading your comment about it: “I also wanted to convey the theme of saintly brokenness - that the people that often touch the most lives and are the most pure are the most broken,” you say. But that’s the only part we don’t get to see from this piece—the lives this priest supposedly touched or his “purity.” You only mention how he gave love to “unworthy people,” and after saying he’s “done bad” in his life, so this hasn’t really become the sort of character I think we are rooting for before we find out about his demise. Any death is depressing to some degree, but I don’t think that I care too much about this particular man’s because we didn’t see a good side to him first.

 

Brooke’s “ROMANTICIZED IOTA”     

I will personally applaud the return of your block poems; for some reason, I just like them a lot. There are many things in this one for my mind to hold onto, even while we travel down very strange and unfamiliar territory. Right at the beginning, I can feel everything the speaker is feeling: “peroxide and band-aids” on my wounded heel, “remote freshwater coax[ing]” me toward it. These are my favorite parts in all the beauty of their relatability. But you don’t only write simpler and more realistic observations; your metaphors and similes in here are equally great, like “bodies trained to be like Renaissance écorchés.” (I did have to look up what an écorché is, but then I loved the description.) ALSO, I love the little grounded hints you give toward the speaker (or someone else?) and their psyche and situation (e.g. “suspicion knocked out of habit” or “romanticize the iota of which brought two fingers down your throat”).

A couple of other little details that I love: 1) the quotations thrown in and 2) “free-99ed spearmint gum.”

Eva’s “Adagio of Shallow Breath in Black and White”

First of all, of course I have to preface with I LOVE THIS POEM. And I loved “Plaster,” the one it’s based off of. I noticed, definitely, some similarities between them: the way the lines look on the page, with many indentations (also many very long lines), and of course, those standalone “yous” that I still love so much.

Looking at this poem totally by itself—without thinking about your comment—we never find out who the “you” character is in relation to the speaker, though it is clearly someone who has died. (Well, I read it again after reading the comment and only then really noticed the “infantile feet” that should give it away as a baby…) I read it several times over and got lost in the musicality of it a lot, which is not a drawback or anything; it has beautiful sound, which is not less important than meaning. After a couple of reads, I could start to really wrap my mind around what was going on within the poem. This idea of a loved one who’s passed away is, obviously, very depressing, but then the realization that they are watching over you can bring hope and comfort instead.

After reading your comment and rereading the poem, I loved its sad undertones and sentiments even more. Like the ending, especially the last line echoing yet opposing the last line of “Plaster.” And the idea that this isn’t just any person falling in love, but someone with trauma that makes this love even harder yet more significant.  

Abby’s “Atropos”

Based on your comments for the poem, I’m gathering that it is about you. So the speaker and the “you” character must both be you, like you are unattached to your own body. I wouldn’t have guessed that without the comments, and maybe that’s what you were going for or you don’t really care if that comes across in the poem, which is of course understandable. The descriptions here are again great. The only thing I didn’t really feel for some reason like I could latch onto was the golden finch; I don’t know what it is supposed to mean or symbolize and seems like it just kind of appears in the middle there. Also, again with the titles that I have to look up! I kind of like that, though—I like your titles in general, being so short and to the point and something that is unfamiliar to me, something I have to look up. 

 

Eva's Reviews of Poem 7

II. Revelation by  Mariah

            I love how brief this poem is, it leaves the reader feeling the sense of darkness which dominates the poem and does not give it time to veer away from that tone and lose track of it. In connection with your previous poems which mentioned that there were scars, these two poems work well with one another. There is a sense that the speaker in content with the scars and is embracing their scars, in other words, embraces their dark side and the reality of evil and darkness existing in a world of beauty yet still learning to comprehend that reality; therefore, there is a sort of tension between those two concepts maintained within the poem ( and your work as a larger body of work). I think you sort of flush that out more elegantly in your mini poetic statement after your poem which helps orient us as readers to the aim of your work, although, like I said, to me this is clear without input from you as the author. The personification here of War and Beast, etc, being set off with italics works well to create a sort of hellish reality which does not seem over the top but rather realistic and simple. Great work Mariah!

 

 Cassandra's poem 7  “What Makes a World?”

            I love this poem. To me it is about how easily our lives can be jarred, upset and upturned. And this concept is something you propose a little in your comment after. The idea that our world is so fragile, both our inner personal world and our other more literal world. The Word here is used in many senses and is quite layered which adds depth to the poem. I like the image of water being evoked. It has along with it that idea of the ripple or butterfly effect so that we get the sense that the pond’s ecosystem being thrown off has a bigger effect along the way, which of course is a metaphor for something in the speaker’s life but also could be a literal commentary on sustainability and climate change and how humans disturb the world. SO, this is all to say, there are many layers, many readings and they all work well without clashing with one another. It is written in your usual, conversational, talky sort of manner which gives it a down-to-earth, approachable feel and allows the reader to feel like this  might be some story a friend is telling them over a cup of coffee. Your poetry invites readers of all poetic interests in quite easily because it doesn’t appear over the top yet relies on precise choices to make it work. That is all to say, I think this poem is really well crafted. I like the way the poem evokes the sense, for instance, in its finale where it mentioned the wet socks squelching; you can feel and hear the sensations associated with the soaking wet sock in that scene. AND, that reminds me, the poem does well bringing the readers into the physical world of the water; we feel like we are there, we can feel what is happening and maybe even sympathize with the poor fellow as well as the creatures whose ecosystem has been disturbed. Very lovely poem as always, Cassandra.

Brooke’s Poem 7

Wow! I loved this poem. I love how unadulterated and raw it is, and honest. It has an identity that can’t be ignored within the poem. As usual with your writing, all the tiny details come together to create a world which feels authentically belonging to the poet ( like it could not be anyone else’s poem); which is all to say, this poem is clearly your poem and has a strong identity. The use of language here is creative and yet simple; it does not feel the need to be over the top and flowery but rather unique in its descriptions such as in the second line about the garnished garbanzo beans or later in the poem with the “lilac-colored sky.” It seems a bit raw and sorrowful in a way but that is dominated by the straightforward tone, that is to say, it has a very matter-of-fact attitude. The dictation and the use of punctuation here is on point. I can’t think of much, if anything, that I would change about the poem. Done to each line and each word, the poem demands the reader's attention BUT as always,, I think the more you read a work you can always find tiny things to move around so that would be my only suggestion, spend time with the poem and see what, if any, changes arise in time. Good work!

 

Camden’s Poem 7: “He Loved Like his Christ”

            I love the abrupt tone to this poem which gives the poem a sense of relaying information as if from a newspaper article about the death of Father Mike which is kind of how it comes across only more poetically. So, the poem does not seem to be too sentimental but rather a simple narrative of tragedy. It is also not overtly religious although it clearly is about a priest and brings in God. I also think that the narrator being an outside narrator works to make the poem less sentimental and seem more authoritative to speak to the personal lives of Father Mike, and priests in general which it seems you sort of get at in the poetic statement following your poem. But, I also think the poem is wonderful in terms of form and line breaks, which really work to add emphasis to the poem and steer it away from feeling too newspaper like in a way that would become boring. That is to say, the poem is managed very well on the line level here and reads well. I like that the poem is about a man’s relationship with God, the priesthood, this individual poriest life and human nature and our nature to be flawed all at once; it has many layers and is more complex than it may initially seem. Great work!

Abby’s Atropos

            I love this poem. As you mention in your write up afterwards, the poem brings in this delicate balance between the twisted, ugly, and the beautiful world of nature. It reminds me a lot of your previous work because of these common threads which work to give you a unique poetic voice that stands out. I understand the sentiment behind it, the feeling of being on the outskirts, not fitting in, feeling unsatisfied with the self, etc. (WHICH YOU ARE NOT UGLY AT ALL!) but I understand that self-love and acceptance is something many people battle with and that comes through in this poem. I like the analogies and metaphors within the poem compared to both twisting weeds and metal parts as if a robot made of metal and twisted vines, etc. It proposed a composite person who is still trying to make sense of their own identity, which is to say, the poem is both certain and uncertain at once. I don’t think I get the sense of the surrealism and the otherworldliness as much in this poem as some of your others, but the poem does maintain a sort of fairy-talesce mentality to it. I think the line breaks, the diction, and the entire structure of the poem works well. My only suggestion is see if there is anything you want to add to the poem, for some reason it feels a little short to me. Otherwise, I can’t think of anything else I would change. Good poem!

Alicia’s Poem 7

            May I start by saying excellent use of sections within a poem, or movements so to speak, to help break this longer, epic poem, up more. Longer poems can be easy to get lost in  or to just feel like they are really dense with a lot going on BUT this one felt managed. I love the undertone to the poem as well; there is darkness which lurks beneath the surface hidden behind the sense of self-deprecation, anger, and regret. For instance, this comes out in the end of the first section quite well but not in an overwhelming manner: “ Patiently, I began waiting/to eat the heart/ of any man/ that's ready for the pickin./ It’s my time to feast.”  Well done there! It manages to be foreboding, dark, and also a reclaiming of the self without being overtly flowery or explaining this in a boring manner; the words speak for themselves and go well with the idea of it being Autumn. I also love the talky nature of the poem. The speaker engages with the audience bringing them into her inner circle and relating that they may also deal with the same or similar problems in their own lives, especially if they are women. In other words, it evokes a shared humanity and a sense of sisterhood well through its diction. I like what you said in your follow up about editing your previous poem but making it more powerful here AND I think that it works. That, in general, can be a helpful way of approaching poetry. Great work Alicia!