NEW CRITIQUES (9/26/20)
By Mariah
Abby, Cicada Bloom
There are a lot of really good things going on here. The
title captures this image of cicadas swarming almost in a painterly sort of
way. I’m not sure that’s what it’s meant to bring to mind, but it’s an
excellent title nevertheless. I may be wrong, but I interpret the poem as
expressing the way you (or at least the persona) love someone very deeply.
There are all these little things mentioned about them that almost make them
seem unpleasant: their dry, dead hair; the way they laughed at your aunt. But
then the poem makes this beautiful turn describing how you’ve counted their
every freckle, how you are their “sap suckler” (this is an amazing word-choice,
btw) and can’t seem to get enough of them. To me, is the most well-done aspect
of the poem is how you express deep love without becoming overly sappy. The
only real critique I have is that the “taste like a plant of foreign origin”
line pulled me out of the poem a little bit (I think because the language is
less visual in contrast to the rest of what you’ve written here). Everything
else is so tight and put together, I would at least encourage playing around
with that line to have it match the rest.
Sabrina, ithinktoomuchithinktoomuchithink
I don’t want to start with a critique right off the bat but
it’s minor one. There are a couple of places where you could remove “filler”
words, for example you could take the “A” off of “socially anxious pretty girl”
or “while” out of “her voice carried edges”—although that might get repetitive
having all three lines start with “her”. Even so, I think figuring out how to
remove some of those could help you capture more of the party-girl, socially
exhausted vibe (which is generally pretty strong here, btw). The title is great!
It automatically made me smile because I’m one of those people who thinks too
much. It was a clever move to run the words together; not only does it add to
the idea of thinking too much, it also helps drive the anxious feeling in the
poem right from the start. I think the alternation between italicized and
non-italicized text as well as the fully capitalized sentence really serve that
anxious feeling too. There’s probably a lot more I could say (the breaking of
expectations from “socially anxious” to “socially exhausted” strikes me as
particularly strong, as well as the double entendre of “blurred”) but those are
the few things that stood out to me.
What is immediately striking about this poem is the sense of place—not just from the fact that it starts out by boldly declaring “churchyard”, but from the beautiful simplicity of the first six lines. Those first six lines (through “graves shine”) are excellent and seem almost haiku like in the way they express so much of a scene without giving explicit detail my favorite part is “The/ graves shine”, actually. That enjambment is very well done. But the beginning lines build such a nice expectation that the rest of the poem almost feels like a bit of a let-down. That isn’t to say that the writing is bad! Most of it’s quite good. I think, personally, if you left the middle section as it is and could find some way to bring the descriptive simplicity at the beginning of the poem back towards the end, it would work very well. Maybe adding in a bit more sense of place again towards the end? Just suggestions. The sense of place at the beginning is so well done it makes me crave more of it.
Cassandra, My Personal Ghost of You
Okay, so first of all that thing about National De-clutter month—that was definitely the funniest thing we’ve had in a poem so far and it is absolutely brilliant! One thing that struck me in reading this poem is how original your writing style is, and how that really shines through here. It’s both theatrical and comedic in a way that makes me think of a monologue in a play or stand-up comedy. It’s not over-the-top silly, though. That quality is unique. Sure, there are comedic poems or poems with funny elements—like the Capps poem about her ex’s novel—but this has a very different, unique voice to it, even though it’s a similar subject. I do think you could consider adding in a few specific details to the poem (maybe things like what kind of cereal or the type of clutter or a detail flung in about this person’s strange habit of rearranging the refrigerator magnets or something) but after thinking about the tone and the unique voice you have going here, I personally would caution against adding too much. I think adding too much detail might detract from that.
Reviews from Brooke
Sabrina’s “ithinktoomuchx3”
Okay, Sabrina -- have you ever seen Black Mirror? In particular, the episode that leaves the
majority of us in withheld sobbing / pensive states, called “San Junipero”? The episode is about
two same sex lovers who are traveling through various vessels of time / their ages, just to live out
their lives together. I can surely imagine this poem narrated by one or the other lover, while it's
tucked in either pocket. It’s clean-cut, but strongly reminiscent of someone reminiscing of you
(and the theme alludes to the title). There is a contradiction in the beginning when you go
between feeling “socially anxious” then socially exhausted”. However, as a class, we discussed the
/advantageous/ contradictions, albeit this one is not too mind-probing -- it’s simply one that is all
too relatable, especially as we’re trudging through the murk of forlorn “what ifs?” I am curious, as
to how there is a moment where the dialogue mentions that this lover / bed warmer, if I dare say,
wants a single night of physical intimacy (“you’re not the one, but you could be the one right
now”), whereas you / the narrator, was prepared to go as far as fall in love and take the risks of
heartbreak for it (“an agreement to fall in love, just to get heartbroken”). There’s always the devil
in the details, but the details weren’t exactly protruding. Was this intentional, to be this discreet?
If not, I encourage more of the “story” here. Even if it’s personal wordplay that makes the reader
wonder. Leave that to us. Just give us a little more route to take with this, if you wish.
Camden’s “A Fucked Up Prayer”
Your poems have a parallel of which grapples with loss and what it means to live in the present of
its aftermath. I do enjoy the visual of autumnal leaves swaying in the wind (seriously -- any
reference to this season are automatic boosted points from me--), but the movement is
haphazard, like a relationship you’re reflecting on here. There is a song by one of my favorite
groups (mewithoutYou’s “Allah, Allah, Allah”) that resonates a similar message you’re conveying
throughout this poem. The vocalist, Aaron Weiss, uses religious themes of Islam and nature to say
that our loved ones, living or deceased, are felt /everywhere/, because they can be “found” in
/everything/. It’s a powerful, powerful message. It can guide us through hardships through grief,
or even make living feel, well, /really/ feel like living. A blast of vigor through the veins. But
because of this, you should really articulate this theme you have going. So, when you start going
into this (“And I’ve lost my father, my best friend, the person I loved the first.”) from here on out,
it loses its potency. I’m /not/ saying what you’re saying isn’t important! I’m saying add
/emphasis/ to what you’re saying aside from the straightforward-ness that you seem to lean on
through your work. Your themes don’t match the quality of diction / word choice. Play with this.
Be as raw, thriving, and intentionally “seen” as possible. Push /more/ of yourself outward!
Cassandra’s “My Personal Ghost of You”
Dude, oooh, I love this poem. There’s so much that can be deciphered here. It’s not /exactly/
urgency in its entirety. You insert personality into this that appears as comedic sarcasm, which
brews in someone one they are fed-the-fuck-UP. Does this make sense? I hope so. Your line about
“September being National De-clutter month” would make any audience have a few laughs from
left row to right row. But let’s not detour from the message here -- you need something exorcised
here. You need it /gone/, and you assert that it’s not an obsession, it’s not stemming from a sort of
craziness. You are being haunted. This is when the humor drops like an anvil, as if we’ve
swallowed a small boulder and it lands in the pit of our stomachs. We can relate. We all have
somebody, or something, that haunts us. But perhaps, we’re all too matured to be frightened by it
anymore. We just need it, you know, GONE. My only critique is that, as a reader, I would like to
know the specifics of what I’d consider “hard-hitting” nouns, or these lines / words that /land/ in
the poem. Example: what /is/ your late night cereal? Cheerios? Nah, you have a sugar craving. Is it
something a little more off-beat to the orthodox, like Reese’s Puff cereal? Just something. Or,
instead of “watching me like a stalker”, maybe something like “watching me like a repeat of
“Every Breath You Take” (the infamous song about, well, supposed stalking. Aside from that,
awesome.
“Mantra”
by Eva:
There are
many little things I like in here that make it all work so well. There’s the
beautiful imagery, like “marbled mahogany eyes” that makes it sound so…almost
fake and doll-like to me—I think of either marbles for eyes or eyes made out of
the rock marble, but either way, the fakeness comes through. Also, “deep
pit-eyes protruding” is such an interesting description, and such a different
one from the first, though they describe the same speaker’s eyes. It is also an
oxymoronic description—are these eyes deep and sunken or protruding from the
skull? It paints a strange picture in my mind that matches this scene of almost
domestic violence. And I like “dense brain dented and dimmed,” not to mention
the musicality there—and just about everywhere else in the poem, making the sound
so beautiful. That’s another thing you do a lot here. In addition, I love
the structure of this poem and how it looks on the page, with such long lines
and also such short ones mixed around, but then getting smaller and smaller as
we reach the bottom. My favorite example of playing with lines is at the
beginning, with the lines, “It is February. / frigid. / cutting cold when I
leave.” I’m excited to hear you read it aloud in class, but when I read that
line break, with the periods (yet without capitalization after), that coldness
is so pronounced.
“Honeycomb
Playground” by Brooke:
You have
another (prose) poem here that is seemingly all over the place and
pretty…strange, even surreal at parts, like the beginning: “holding up a
chimerical beast so it could reach a white star’s lactation.” I don’t know what
that means, but for some reason, I like it. And I like that you specifically
mention a bit later “A psychedelic mushroom,” giving a sort of explanation for
or just grounding the reader in the “psychedelic” qualities of the poem. But even
though there are parts I don’t necessarily understand, there is still
undoubtedly a narrative being told, with snippets of scenes: the speaker
reading a book, a man selling trees—leading to the detail that this speaker is
living in their car. And I also love the astrology part: “I’m sure as hell not
asking some Greek-life bohemian astrologer from Monroe County about it. My
impulses have taken me a thousand phases beyond reading star charts that dodge
taking responsibility for myself.” I just found those sentences so true and
hilarious!
Alicia Lang
W303
Poetry response
Sabrina’s “Ithinktoomuchithinktoomuchithink”
I love the image of “faces blurred” in this
poem. This is a double entendre meaning the blurred vision in being drunk and
their real faces being blurred by make-up. They put their fake faces on which
the speaker doesn’t seem to be interested in. The signs of having anxiety in
this poem are so true to nature, i.e. making plans and not following through,
over-thinking, etc. Personally, I have anxiety and depression; this poem
encompasses many aspects of this which I relate to. The image of “a ceiling
full of time capsules” is very vivid. I imagined staring at a ceiling with
removable tiles. It made me think of a film strip. I really liked the closure
to the poem, “reaching for her favorite book” and “pen staining pages gone
unread” are great. This poem is my favorite poem of yours so far. Good job.
Camden’s “A Fucked Up Prayer”
You give us images we can see like, “red oak leaves/ swaying in the wind”. This is such a suggestive image that sets the reader up for the tone of the poem. It really is a nice beginning. The image “graves shine” is implying that there’s still life in that old, dead graveyard. With the repetition of hands in the poem, perhaps you could rephrase “hands upon the cool ground/ blades of grass cut me/ you are everywhere”. I like the idea of “sitting among these stones” but maybe you could rephrase the next line. Instead of salty air, maybe you could say something about “people who once felt this crisp, October air”. Just a few suggestions about rewording. I really think you are starting to find your “voice” in your poetry. I like this poem most.
Cassandra’s “My personal ghost of you”
The tone and voice in this poem is hilarious! I wish I had the talent to speak in this way in my poems. I agree with the class that I would love to see a few more details in the poem, i.e. the favorite cereal, the cop show, etc. I really like the comparison of the person the speaker is talking about being “the burnt grease that sticks to the frying pan” this really hits home on how done the speaker is with the relationship. It is so done, it is burnt up. The “national de-clutter month” is a classic move in the poem that gives this sarcastic attitude to the poem. It also gives attention to how the speaker needs to “de-clutter” their life of this person/ghost of the person. I really enjoy the metaphor of the ghost/memory and the tone/voice in the poem. Good job.
Mariah’s “Childhood’s End”
Mariah, I think you do this great build up towards this intense ending. I dont think it would have been effective without the excitement that Professor Dodd is talking about. This poem is full of childhood symbolism like “dinosaur towels” and “t-shirts dabbed in popsicle blue”. This imagery is met with the tense realization of an adult event of someone burning alive. This is just verified by the image of war within the poem. That is a great move in the poem because there is a war between childhood and adulthood happening. I like the end "burning up--alive" it is such an interesting ending. I get this remorseful feeling from that, like this person's life was valuable /"alive". However, there is still this image of childhood naivety. Your poems are always so in-depth. I have to say I like poems that give more meaning than what is written on the page.
Kylie’s “Willow”
Abby’s “Dramamine”
The imagery in the poem of “algae, lichen, and black rats” sets a dark tone to the poem. I love the image of “salamander skin” because when I was a kid I used to get in the window wells and play with the salamanders. They were always so cold yet smooth. This image is one that takes me back and I love it as a reader. Additionally, my grandma was a card player and chainsmoker too. So, these are very relatable memories to me as a reader. I think this poem really reaches out to our generational memories. The line “your blue makeup/ running like ribbons on a wedding cake” speaks to the character wanting to be loved. The closure in the poem “my eyes are buried in my brain” is significant because the speaker is saying that they can no longer see the character go through that pain anymore. This poem is very deep, despite the memories and imagery. You can feel the pain from the beginning of these dark images to the painful crying. Good poem.
Eva’s “Mantra”
I love the moderness of your poetry. You do a really great job of bringing the real world into your poetry. I think some things in the poem can be lost in translation due to overload of information. With that being said, you do this amazing opening where you describe reading a book “thumbing the dog-eared pages” is such a great description. The alliteration of “marbled mahogany eyes” is such a beautiful image of the book reflecting in the soul of the reader. I read the squirrels as a personification of other people because squirrels are diurnal. In the middle of the poem when you talk about the spaghetti plate being thrown, you could reword things and break the lines to make it more direct and I think that would help with there being so much information. Example, “my mother spun her half-spaghettied plate, frisbee-style/ my father ducked into claustrophobia/ cowering coat closet:”. I love “bones, buried into a midwestern silt” Much like the couch, the poem begins bringing things to the surface at this point. The point being, that no matter what happens in life; people talking bad the speaker, poverty, etc. there are still moments of beauty and safety when you have love.
Brooke’s “Honeycomb Playground”
I love the deep references to political
issues within your poems. Whenever I read them and look things up, I find more
interesting information that I was unaware of. Personally, I think you could
use poetry as a platform for bringing awareness to these issues. If you haven’t
yet, you should start a blog/ publish a book. I love how truthful the poem is
about the setting, there is no sugar-coating the truth of what’s going on in
the speaker’s reality. Furthermore, these truths are apparent in the issues
being brought to the table. The “honeycomb playground” is a powerful image
which presents this desire to be young and not deal with the realities of the
world. This also reminds me of a geo-dome on a playground. This is also a
beautiful image of the cells that make up the whole of the speaker; the pockets
of personality that fill the “chronicles of” the speaker. Referencing “The
Quiet American” was interesting to me because it is a story about a love
triangle. When the speaker questions “being spoken to” during this interaction
reminds me of the triangle of the past, present, and future being questioned in
the poem. I love this image of “the pink matter of my ego like a Saturn ring,
which encourages petty crime”. The speaker’s sense of self-esteem/self-worth is
dependent on material things, but the speaker is fighting this societal/
personal desire. The speaker says their mother taught them better… to be
self-aware. I love this ending to the poem. Good poem Brooke.
Cassandra's reviews
“What’s a
Weed to a Wildflower” by Alicia:
I like that
there is a focus on the relationships between the speaker and weeds and the
speaker and flowers; I think it is kind of a confused message—as in, there are
mixed feelings about these things. The first mention of these come from the
line “As I sort the comforting weeds from flowers”; the choice of the word
“comforting” to describe something like weeds, which are generally not exactly
liked by or comforting to people, instead of the flowers seems so oxymoronic,
yet the speaker admits this connection. But then, immediately, the speaker also
admits that dandelions—a weed—are “deceptive” and later says “damn dandelion,”
speaking more negatively, but she is at the same time talking about “conquered”
childhood moments “overrun” with the dandelion, so this weed seems like it
should be a good thing in her life. Then, we are hit with the fact that this
“pappi” character—I assume a grandfather? —has died, “only remnants” remaining,
and his death is likened to dandelions when they disperse their seeds, the
remnants of themselves. This creates an even more mixed view by the speaker of
the dandelion; associating the plant with the death of a loved one would create
sadness upon thinking of dandelions. Then, at the end, the speaker equates
herself to a buttercup, a flower instead of a weed, but she does not speak
highly of this flower. Both it and she are “only an ‘obese, fat fuck,’” and it
and she will “blister your skin” when touched.
“A Walk
in Darkness” by Camden:
I love the
movement in this poem. In part 1, the subject of the poem is sitting. In part
2, he appears to be climbing stairs (“the rails”)—or descending, but I like to
imagine he is ascending, since the third part has the subject in a plane, in
the sky; so to really work with the movement here, he would have to be moving
up and toward that ending. I like that image in my mind: sitting,
ascending stairs, finally flying in the sky. I also love the metaphor you use
in the second part and how you satisfy us in the third part: the subject’s feet
are “struggling to stay / planted in a life / he didn’t want anymore,” and in
order for feet to be planted, they need to be touching the ground. So, he is
struggling to do this, so he wants to stay planted, or maybe just thinks
that’s what he wants. But then, in the third part, he is flying, away from the
ground, and that is when he is “finally free.” I’ll admit I don’t
understand what a “hole round” refers to, but I think I get the gist of the
message there and really like it.
“A
Montague Dies, a Capulet Lives” by Sabrina:
I love this,
first of all. And I love that you took this so-famous and often overly-used in
reference play, Romeo and Juliet, and you wrote about it in a way that I
have never seen before. Immediately in the title, you have deviated from the
original work: one of the titular characters dies, but one does not. And
you take one of the iconic parts and change the words with, “BUT SOFT, WHAT
LIGHT THROUGH YONDER WINDOW BREAKS? / IT IS THE EAST, AND JULIET JUST JUMPED
OFF HER BALCONY.” (At the same time, though, with this particular line, I
am a bit confused about why “Juliet” is the one in this poem who lives,
yet this line alludes to her death.) Still, I like these subversions of the
work, or at least the taking things and using them for yourself—including
“Romeo” with the bullet in his head, which is not how he did it in
Shakespeare’s play. Just love that you took something that most people take for
a poem of love, even if it is sad, and made it more a poem of grief and even
anger; the anger in this is great and feels real.
“On These
Lifeless Things” by Mariah
After
knowing the context of the poem this is based off of, I love the metaphor of
this poem—comparing these all-important Pharaohs to just various bugs. Like,
these people believed that they were chosen by the gods and were so important
and above other people, yet they are still also just animals on this Earth who
are subject to things like death and decay, just like even base insects. And
specifically, you used flying bugs, beetles—and “a pair of false-god wings” is
my favorite line! This false idea is also important, including the “scarab’s
exoframe—false protection.” The ancient Pharaoh’s falsely believed in their
immortality, in a way, and their godliness, like they had protected or could
“fly,” but the reality was that they were just bugs and could not see
themselves in true light.
*
Eva's Reviews
Camden’s A Walk
in Darkness
I love how compact and precise this poem is. The use of the
sections definitely helps create and intensify the abrupt feeling that is
carried out throughout the poem. I think the quiet, reflective nature of the
poem with the sad undertones demands a sort of gentle-abruptness that guides
the reader through the sense of isolation, abandonment,disconnect, and
loneliness that the speaker is expressing feeling with his God so much so that
is drives him into committing suicide (and I love how this carries on the theme
found in all of his poems so far, of this disconnect with God, doubt &
faith, isolation, as well as from his last poem, the idea of a speaker
contemplating suicide). There is a coherence to Camden’s voice and body of work
that we have seen so far within. The poem conveys such a deep feeling of
discontent, disconnection, and sadness that it is hard for the reader to not
wonder more but then again, we don’t really need it. The poem, though abrupt,
works well in its form and its content. I like that in the second stanza we
also get more concrete imagery with the cool rails of the bridge, etc. because
the rest of the poem is not very grounded in imagery. This stanza breaks up the
other two stanzas by bringing the reader into a spatial setting rather than the
rest of the poem which perches more on the emotional content/setting of the
poem. Overall, I think this poem is really strong and I don’t have any major
editing suggestions other than to maybe consider with the couplet in the second
stanza rewording it, for some reason I had to reread that line a few times
because I kept tripping over it.
Sabrina’s A
Montague Dies, A Capulet Lives
Sabrina,
I love that this poem so strongly evokes
Romeo and Juliet throughout its lines. This is a story most people know at
least the major plot points of so using it in this poem to talk about loss and
mental illness becomes very effective. The poem has a strong sense of identity
with the speaker’s voice although slightly vague at times with some of the
aspects of where the poem is taking place. I think the poem could use maybe
more of a setting. Instead of jumping in as it does at the beginning maybe
describe something more concrete. BUT I do think that overall it does not
suffer from this and works as one unit. I do think it ends up being a little
too lengthy as I personally tend to get lost in longer poems but once again, it
seems to work as is so this isn’t a major problem. I really like the varying
use of diction in the poem from the evoking actual lines from Shakespeare to even
the way the words are conveyed ( italics, all CAPS) plus there is a gentleness
in the vocabulary but the poem also does not avoid bluntly using the word
“FUCK” when it sees fit. In other words, it is able to convey and explore an
array of emotions because it allows itself to employ various types and
portrayals of language. And the imagery in the poem is spot on! I loved the
image of the snowfall in January and the warm blanket on the brown grass. It
all comes together nicely in a form which seems to evoke contemplation; and the
poem is mostly symmetrical which contrasts the feelings of grief and isolation
in the poem. Well done, Sabrina.
Mariah's “On
These Lifeless Things
I love how this
poem begins strongly through the eyes of a six-year old child describing an
ancient Egypt exhibit at some museum. Most of us have probably been to one of
these at some point in our lives and can relate to the vivid imagery employed
here; the descriptions in that first stanza are on point! I also like that
Mariah brings in some Biblical aspects that some readers might glaze over but
others would catch; like the idea of hardening hearts with the Pharaohs. This
first stanza explorers the world through a child’s eyes but it ultimately
explores bigger concepts, ones that a child probably would not think about in
the same manner, so there is a mix of a childlike wonder and young questioning
as well as adult contemplation all at once. The speaker has both voices in the
poem and switches between them effortlessly. For instance, the speaker is
thinking about immortality and how even all the things the Pharaohs were buried
with could not save them from that fate; it is as the poem states a false pretense.
The second section of the poem continues with this
wonderful imagery. I love the juxtaposition of a black parking lot surface with
the cicada blossoms; it is beautiful imagery here. And the sections work to
distinguish these different moments from one another but they share a
continuity that makes it all one cohesive poem well. And the poem ends bringing
up the idea of what is false again; how easily these things can get torn apart
and proved wrong. It all works well in the form and with the content. There is
tension, there is innocence, there is a more mature line of questioning, and it
all comes together in the poem well.
Alica’s Humane-Less
I love
the rhythm of this poem; it reads fast and maintains that pace throughout the
entire poem. The form also seems to be working well for this poem here. The
title is unique and made me as a reader want to look into the poem instead of
passing over it; it is engaging. So, there are a lot of things off the bat that
stood out to me as strong aspects of this poem. Furthermore, some of the
imagery evoked in the poem is really effective; I like the descriptions which
draw us into the past, the middle ages where court jesters would perform etc.
For some reason I had a strange nostalgia for a life I was never a part of
which, I think, goes to show how well the poem makes one feel like they are in
the Middle Ages. The poem seems to be a reflection of sorts, though a more
playfully crafted one, on what it means to be human and human nature. Actually,
the whole poem does seem to me a little fuzzy at times but for some reason this
does not bother me too much because I get caught up in the rhythm of the words.
Side note: nice use of alliteration, and different types of subtle rhymes
throughout the poem; this was really effective in playing into the fast-paced
feel of the poem. Anyway, a couple of
things I think did not work as well with the poem. The line about the stone
cold bodies just did not work for me… necrophilia… is that meant to be evoked
here? Not sure, but especially if not, I would find a way to reword this line.
The italics throughout, I assume, refer back to words either from some song or
book or something-- I am not familiar with them and I don’t think I need to be
for the sake of the poem, but this is a little unclear to me. However, I do
like that at the very end of the poem the last few lines are indented inwards;
this gives a little change to the otherwise uniformity of the rest of the poem.
Overall, this poem lacked some clarity and a feeling of being concise but it
had its own sense of pace, rhythm and a developed ebb and flow to it that makes
it all work well for the most part.
Cassandra’s
Poem 4
First of all, visually this poem intrigues me because of
your ability to form a smiley face out of the words of the poem. I have tried
this sort of thing in the past but always get frustrated that the shape is not
right or I fail to use the words I want trying to achieve the shape. It usually
seems to be that I have to compromise one for another so I gave up trying this
after some time. I am curious where you got the idea to structure your poem
like that from? Anyway, the title is also quite humorous although I know it
also has a sense of seriousness to it; it seems right along the lines of your
general poetic voice we have encountered in your previous works. But… moving on
to the actual content of the poem…
This is an intense, in depth reflection on both the self
and memories of better times… or perhaps times that just seem less complicated
in comparison to the speaker’s present? Either way the poem’s form mimics the
content perfectly. It is all one large block of texts, minus the “cutouts” and
the last word of the poem, which stands alone and really leaves the reader
feeling stuck along with the speaker. It is all very effective! And the way the
speaker disperses various memories throughout while sort of moving forward in
time through these memories works effective as well. There is a sense of
progress and continuity to these memories. We also get a sense of how the
speaker is aging/maturing in the poem. We know the entire time it is the
speaker in the present but we also see the older, differing aspects of the
speaker come through these glimpses into the speaker’s past. SO, it does not
feel one dimensional at all; it has many layers and many identities that sort
of mix together perfectly in the poem. This works well considering most people
are made from differing aspects of their pasts, some could even argue that we
are made up of our memories…. which in a sense is what I think the poem is
postulating! Regardless, I want to reflect on identity and my own identity more
after reading the poem. I don’t think it is closed off to just this speaker’s
life experience; to me it is inviting of all readers to consider what it means
to be human in general as well as who they are. SO it is both about identity
and the self but also about society at large or better said, humanity as a
whole.
Overall, I really enjoyed this poem. It has a balance in
it between the concrete and just feeling like some inward monologue of some
distraught young adult! It also works on multiple levels as mentioned above.
The form and the content work well together and are unique. It really draws a
reader in, leaves them questioning things ( in a good reflective way), and
makes them want to read more poems of a similar nature. Good work, Cassandra!
Brooke’s “Freelance”
Once
again this dense block of text is just brimming with humor, emotion, reflection
on identity, and endless references that ground it to the reality of life. I
love it; there is so much happening here it really is hard to be concise in
commenting on it but I will try! First of all, there is a sort of humorous
self-deprecation to the poem which gives it its life. The poem is funny, not in
its entirety but that it uses humor to avoid feeling too heavy because there
really is a sense of self-criticism woven throughout the poem. The descriptions
here are one point, they just keep going and flowing and give the poem a
fast-paced feel. There is a little sense of a dialogue here, an internal,
monological dialogue between two different aspects of the speaker. The poem is
peppered with references from the speaker’s life, some of which we don’t really
get but somehow know that that might even be the point, that nobody really gets
the speaker. Overall, all of these long, thick lines work together to create a
solid block of simtiansoutly questioning and asserting the speaker’s identity.
Very Brooke-like for sure, I feel like this is just another aspect of your
poetic voice developing further.
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