POEM Critiques as of 9/19/2020
Kylie's Reviews
The use of figurative language and how it is so well
married into the actual facts of the setting is very impressive. I also really
love that the last line is taken from East of Eden, a seemingly
unrelated story. I get the sense that there is an attempt to connect the
manatees with the relationship the speaker has with Adam, through lines four
and fifteen, but I am not sure what the connection is besides existing in the
same place at the same time. While I really like line fifteen, the meaning of
“my pinched-flippers” confuses things for me. I also really like that, while
there is not a set rhyme scheme, there are some rhymes throughout that still
gives the poem a nice irregular rhythm.
“I’m Sorry I Never Listened” by Sabrina
I love the French quote in line four, which at first
gives the poem a romantic feel that evolves into a sort of haunting feeling.
Lines eleven and twelve are very powerful and very well written. The use of
punctuation, specifically the frequent commas, forces the reader to slow down and
fully digest what is being said. I really enjoy that the title changes the
meaning of the rest of the poem and would also work effectively as the last
line, though I do like that it was used as the title instead. I think that line
eleven should say “And a boy” because I sort of got hung up there by wondering
if there is a double meaning, and I do not think that there is.
“A Reflection:” by Cassandra
I really like the deep ideas being portrayed in this poem. Sometimes the sentences run on and consequently become hard to follow, especially when the sentence continues through the end of the line and of the couplet. Line seven is very creative and heartfelt. Line seven is also the first point in which the meaning is clearly defined, which gives more meaning to the lines that come before it. I believe that the opening is a metaphor in regards to blue meaning sadness and comparing that to water, which is a very creative approach. I also think the closing is very strong, but it is a little hard to relate it to the meaning of the rest of the poem.
“For My Sake, I Could Give Two Shits About Your Sake,” by
Brooke
One small note, it should be “I Could NOT Give
Two Shits About Your Sake.” I enjoy the link between looming and woven, as it
gives the first line a double meaning. Even though I am not sure what is meant
by “partying cornrows,” I really like that description. I think line four is
the most powerful, and to me kind of has a generational ring and power to it.
Line five is both humorous and true, and I found it very clever and thoughtful
to include it. I think the entire poem is about writing as the speaker’s
contribution to the world, and the closing lines describe her writing process,
which is very relatable.
“Prologue to a 30 Page Suicide Note” by Camden
I found this poem to be very simply constructed
but very well executed to portray a much more complex topic. The lines are
short, which each one being around five syllables. I think the lines starting with “I” do an effective job
of leading us through the past, present, and future of the reader’s situation
and really drives the point that they are going through life alone without
Christ. If the title was different, we might think that the speaker is going to
find a way to live their life, but because this is the prologue to a suicide
note, I think maybe the speaker just decides on a different method of suicide.
There is a lot to unpack in such a small poem, and I think that is an
accomplishment.
“Parousia,” by Mariah
Overall, I really like this poem, which is
about how tourism hurts the environment and also, I think, about a love
interest that is also toxic. I think the opening line is really strong and has
a punch to it that makes us think, “Okay, dang. That was kind of harsh,” but it
feels well deserved. There are some feelings of rhythm created by “ignorant
infringement” and “white-winged” that add some music to the poem. I do think
the break created by asterisk after line eight is unneeded, as the point of
line eight flows nicely into line nine.
Eva's Reviews
Poem 2 Critiques
Sabrina’s I’m Sorry I Never Listened
This is only the second poem I have
read by Sabrina but I already get a strong sense of her voice as a poet within
those two works. This poem’s dark tone falls back into similar dark imagery
from her last poem. I think this dark undertow that slinks its way throughout
this poem creates the emotional heart of the poem. Yet, the poem manages to
never feel too weighed down or dominated by that darkness because Sabrina uses
the middle lines of the poem to “ lighten the burden” of the rest of the poem.
For instance, the fourth and fifth couplet’s establish a slight, momentary
break from the throes of drowning imagery by evoking a nice, breezy day at the
beach. I think, therefore, that one of this poem's greatest strengths is
managing this delicate balance between darkness and lightness in the poem (not
to say that more purely dark or light poetry is inherently bad).
So, the speaker begins by
reflecting on a French saying from some mysterious man she used to know a long
time ago. Here, the poet establishes some ambiguity and tension from the onset
inviting the reader to investigate who this mystery man could be by reading
further. We want to know immediately: who is this man? why does he no longer
love her? what happened? etc… The poem
raises questions which the reader seeks to answer and this element of
questioning also creates a mysterious overlay to the darkness of the poem.
Also, I think the choice to use the French line in the poem was really wise.
French as a language is usually associated with beauty and romance because it
is such an eloquent, beautiful tongue. Within the poem it contrasts the loss of
love with something often evocative of romance, the French language.
Furthermore, the poet makes sure the
reader understands the weight of his words by translating into English. I don’t
think the difference in how the words make us feel in both languages can be
ignored. In French, it seems beautiful and free. In English, it seems like a
plea, at least to me… a plea from the man to the speaker, “you do not have to
do this, please don’t”.
Then we shift forward in time and
the speaker brings us into the heart of the poem. And even though, as I
mentioned above, these lines feel lighter overall to me, the speaker’s diction
makes it evident that there is still something lurking beneath the surface.
Even small choices such as the words “dug” or “darkened” play a crucial role in
establishing that dark tonality throughout these lines. Furthermore, the phrase
“ showing so little but so much” can be read with a critical duality. First,
the literal sense of showing a lot of skin but yet still maintaining a level of
conservation but the second reading I think is more pertinent: that is, that
they (and everyone as an extension) only reveal a small sliver of who we are
and what goes on beneath our waters but that still can say a lot about who we
really are.
The poem continues, stating “And
boy,” as if one boy, there on that beach becomes the everyman for all of the
male gaze. In a way, it raises questions of feminism and how women are
objectified without really getting into this. The speaker paints “boy” or men
as beautiful in physical form but cunning, perhaps manipulative and perverted
in nature. These lines were actually my favorite of the couplet, I feel like
they do a lot of hidden work for the poem by raising the emotional heart of
darkness closer to the reader’s eyes. And it is, after all, in this moment
where the speaker is “drinking the sea.” Of course, it is here in these
chilling last lines that the poem comes to an end, in the very act of drowning.
However, I think the ending could be stronger. I even thought just ending it
with the couplet before and inverting the lines so it read more like “ a shiver
nipping at a dip in my back, warning me to run away/ but I am drinking the
sea,” or something along those lines might work as a better
ending. Anyway, I have said way too much already but I think this was a strong,
rich poem that held an emotional depth, raised plenty of questions for the
reader, maintained balance, and was evocative of a recent book I read “Into the
Water” by Paul Hawkins as well as reminding me of Shakespeare’s Ophelia in her
final moments.
Cassandra’s A
Reflection
A
Reflection is quite self-proclaimed, just that, a reflection, a memory of a
cherished but murky memory. Clearly, more conversational like Cassanrda’s last
poem, once again, I already feel like I understand the narrative voice of her
poems from the first two. I also think this poem is more easily connected to
the prompt painting, at least, I can see instances where the poet drew from the
imagery of the painting and viewing them side by side, it feels to be a more
clear ekrapstic of Fisher’s painting than Sabrina’s poem was.
The poem
begins challenging the notion that the water is even blue, thus bringing in
some uncertainty, and as I said above, murkiness to the poem which I believe
tonaly is carried on in the poem. I do think the conversational nature of the
poet’s style lends itself easily to this sort of reasoning, because the poem does
sort of work through these concepts in a reasoning manner; it feels less of the
heart and more of the mind, in other words. However, I also felt it made some
of the lines clunkier than they need to be. For instance, I think the second
couplet could flow better and be streamlined. Regardless, the poem continues
contrasting the blue with an intense red, grounding the poem through the use of
color. And continues, a little ambiguous for me but only to conclude mid-way
through that “nothing in the water is real anymore,” so creating an almost
fitting ambiguity. Then, the poem turns to more concrete and specific memory
also finally establishing a more specific notion of place in the poem.
Therefore, I think the second half of the poem feels stronger to me because it
gives me something to sink my feet into instead of feeling like I am floating
above the poem.
The poem
almost turns from semi-mysterious narrative poems into a more lyrical poem,
though still conversational.It addresses an unknown you, a lover presumably who
is now gone though this is not entirely certain. The poem ends with a sense of
longing for the good old times. And I think the last lines are actually really
strong. The tiny detail of people walking by with tick filled oots destroying
the memory, the moment seems fitting. Overall, a strong poem which I felt
needed some more clarity and some structural edits to give it more force but
otherwise maintained an emotional distance for the reader while establishing an
intimacy for the speaker.
Camden’s Prologue to a 30 Page Suicide Note
I think this poem continues along
similar contemplations of doubt as Camden’s last poem. Once again, the poem
almost seems to be a medley for both an earthly relationship, this time with a
romantic partner, but also speaking about the speaker’s relationship with God
or Christ or some higher power at least… so there are two ways one COULD read
the poem. First, this person is in their car near the beach remembering a
lover, seemingly recent loss, and is wondering how they can go on without them,
hence the title comes into play. Maybe this is the early stages of
contemplating sucide? It seems almost, since it is a prologue that it could be
something established as in the speaker has chosen for sure to kill themselves
and this is the prologue to that. OR it could mean that they are trying to work
through whether or not they still want to try to live or not, a prologue in
another sense as in this is what happened BEFORE they decided to kill
themselves. Regardless, it is clear that this poem is about missing someone and
struggling to live in the wake of loss ( weather from death or breaking up is
also a little ambiguous). However, I think we can also read this as another
poem of doubt. The speaker is doubting his connecting with a higher being (God)
to the point where that relationship feels dead or he is sacrificing it
entirely ( a more figurative mode of sucide here). In a religious sense, this
brings in a lot of layers to the poem. Christ also made a sacrifice for our
sins according to Christians so is this speaker likening himself to Chris dying
on the cross ( a type of sucide in a sense?) Or is the speaker simply saying he
doubts his connection with God to the point where he wants to die or
metaphorically is committing faith-sucide? All of these are readings I drew
from this poem, which is short but actually really jammed packed with depth.
Additionally, the poem is really concrete even when it can be read as quite
abstract and metaphorical. We get a sense of place immediately. The speaker is
at the beach, in his car. We get the very bodily, the physicality of this past
relationship’s head on his chest. The enclosure of the car and the posture of
the speaker create a sort of intimacy… and intimacy that he had with the person
he is addressing but has now lost. I could say more but I think this captures
most of my sentiments towards the poem. The only major critique I had was that
stanzas 6 and 7 felt a little un-authentic, not quite cliche but they just did
not feel as genuine and real to me as the rest of the poem. Otherwise, I think
the poem did a lot of work in short couplets and did it well.
Mariah’s Parousia
Wow! I think this poem was really
well crafted from the dictation to the sense of place, the vividness of it, the
concrete details, and the overall structure of it. I think the choice to break
it into two sections was the perfect way of getting around it feeling dense and
long as one continuous poem composed of couplets. The first section draws the
reader in through the imagery, addressing a ‘you’ whom we do not know the
speaker’s connection to. The tourists are describing, pretty accurately resting
on the rocks of the seabirds, where they breed. I think Mariah’s breakage of
that line was really effective. Of course, we assume it refers to the birds'
breeding season because that is where their nests are. However, the way she
sets the line up also makes it sound like all these tourists lying around in
the sun are also partaking in the season of breeding ( it is not overtly sexual
but definitely has a peculiar, in a good way, sexual undertone to it). Also the
final line of the first stanza, the use of alliteration was amazing. What I
also found really interesting was the use of the language did not speed the
poem up too much. In some ways Mariah’s language reminded me of my own poem2
but her’s felt to me to have a sort of clarity and calmness to it, almost
reflective and tranquil, observing from afar where I feel like mine carries
more urgency and rapidness to it. I love the focus and inwardness of that first
section of the poem. Mariah always seems to be able to maintain that in her
work even when this, at least in comparison to some of her other poems I have
read, feels more contemporary.
Then we have the second section
which maintains that same reflective tonality but gets even more into the sense
of place, or rather a search for place, movement. SO we move from one
particular location, the breeding rocks where the tourists splay themselves
across the seabirds nests to a gentle, migratory movement. And in the end, I
think that gets at the heart of the poem-- a sense of searching, longing,
gentle movement towards something which the speaker sees as sickness. But of
course, there is also the idea of tourists invading spaces and perhaps just a
metaphor for humans taking over and trying to dominante nature in general.
Regardless, I love that this poem remains consistent throughout but also
tackles multiple idas at once. And, I love that the poem itself feels nomadic
but not in a rushed, chaotic, or dingy sort of way. I can imagine moving
through the lines of the poem just as the birds travel the miles to their
breeding grounds. I think only a well-drafted poem can manage all of this at
once so hats off to Mariah for being able to make every line accomplish that.
Kylie’s The Flower
I want to begin my statting, I think the couplet was the perfect form
for this poem, not that that mattered since it was in the assignment BUT still.
What I don’t think worked well was all of the rhyming. I think there is a time
and a place for it, perhaps this was a choice the author made because they
prefer that stylistically or wanted it to add something to the poem. At times
it feels okay in the poem but other times it begins to feel really forced and
takes away from the poem. I don’t think this means the entire content or theme
of the poem has to change just some of the rhymes could be easily switched out
or moved around. Regarding diction a little further, I also think it felt like
it was trying to use a more archaic voice at times for instance when the
speaker says “When bees buzz the flowers yearn for the winged/,They will
mourn if Cupid’s bow has not been stringed.” Not that we don’t use the words
‘yeard’ or talk about Cupid in modern poetry, we do! But, it felt clunky and
forced or not necessary at times.
What I
did like about the poem though was that it was way more concrete that Kylie’s
last poem. The first stanza is one of my favorites because we can feel the heat
and the words ‘bake’ and ‘infrared’ in the following stanza speak millions for
the reader, they make us feel with certainty the sensations of that moment. I
think overall the poem seems to be about not feeling worthy of a lover’s love
in comparison to more beautiful people, so maybe also a little jealousy in the
poem as well. However, it feels like we don’t get enough of a backstory to
really understand why the speaker feels this way, not that I want an entire
novel but it just feels a little up in the air without more information. Not
sure HOW or IF the speaker can bring more of that into the poem, it might add
length, but I feel like I do need something more there. So the poem was a
little disconnected for me at times between diction and some general background
info. However, it did feel like it was based in a genuine sentiment which has a
place in the poem and I think with some careful editing it would become more
vivid in that exploration.
Cassandra's Reviews
Critique:
“Manatees” by Eva (Poem 2)
I love
everything the language does here. The way she taps into the senses of sight
and touch brings us into the poem and the story of it, into the speaker’s mind
/ situation: our sight with “the tangled branches of Adam’s arms,” which
doesn’t seem like an especially nice way to describe whom I assume is
the speaker’s significant other, and the “bulbous manatees” with “their
millstone molars” and their “concentric patterns” of swimming, which is such a
vivid and almost magical scene; and our touch with the “blistering
summer” and the “toes gutting the jagged, lethal ground before me,” that
“sharded-salt sand.” Just this image alone of how walking toward Adam through
this “lethal” sand feels instead of toward the sea and its majestic manatees,
where the speaker really wants to be, gets across her reluctance and
disappointment. I also am obsessed with Eva’s use of language for just its
beautiful sound; my favorite part for this is all of the s’s in these
lines: “sunscreen on his back while the bulbous manatees / somewhere subaqueous
sunk their millstone molars into / ragged clumps of tangy sea-lawn.”
Critique:
“I’m Sorry I Never Listened” by Sabrina (Poem 2)
This poem,
to me, reads pretty dark—especially at the ending. I love the third stanza and
its sentiment: “You do not have to drink the water, he said / with such ease,
like I wasn’t already pulled under.” We now are given a clue into the speaker’s
mind: we do not really know what or why, but something is trying to take over
her, to overwhelm her. I like the passage of time—we go from one moment to
another “Years later,” so we can get this sense of for how long this thing has
been pulling her under. We get the sense that maybe whatever it is that has
been bothering this speaker is not really some kind of personal struggle but a
critique / observation on the general public, since there are lines about the
kinds of people she encounters on the beach: her friends “darken[ing] their
skin” while “showing so much but so little,” hinting at some kind of “fakeness”
of people, and the “perverted eyes” of the “boy…beautiful in body alone,”
encompassing both the predatory nature of young boys toward young girls as well
as society’s hyper focus on physical aspects of character rather than internal
ones. Regardless of her problem, this speaker is clearly very tormented by it
by the end, when she gets into the sea. Instead of “run[ning] away” from the
deepness of the water, like the waves itself are telling her to, she continues
to “drink the sea”—an amazing callback to the beginning—and then come the last
lines: “I am drowning. I cannot breathe.” She is acknowledging here that
she is “drowning,” yet by her own choice, she is still going deeper into the
water, it seems, which made at least me believe that she is committing suicide
by drowning herself; it was already pulling her under, so why not surrender to
it…and that’s why I said I read the poem as a very dark one.
Brooke's Reviews
Eva’s “Manatees” :
First, let me address my mutual adoration for aquatic creatures, so nicely time
with the namesake of the poem. Now, entering the poem: you’re guiding the
reader through a vicarious experience with very meticulous detail, but it still
rings sweetly to be informal, poetic detail (I.E., the assonance you present
with “sharded-sand-salt”, and I’m asking myself, “sharded with what? cracked
shells? Heineken bottles? Oh well; I want to keep reading. . .” This is good).
One critique is that you get a little /too/ lost in the detail when you mention
the specific type of sunscreen you’re wearing; tell us more about how you’re
attempting to /solve heat/. This could yank the reader to a new route of really
abstract, yet mildly scientific assemblage of stantazs. Not like some kid
trying to fry an ant with a magnifying glass, but it could delve into thermal
energies mixed with subjective analyzing, while the manatees graze through the
water, as you feel Adam’s back. There’s a lot to process here, but you can
really take off with all of this. Focus on letting yourself go with this one,
and not racking your brain on minute details like the sunscreen. Anyway, I
really liked how you mention your “vegan body” while you have this coexisting
experience in your mind with the manatees. It exemplifies empathy. Eco OVER
Ego. Well done with that. Then comes back this character of Adam, which seemed
slightly romanticized at first, but then you mentioned him barricaded by a
shell, perhaps by anger even, so it seems. Personally, I am disinterested in
him, and the narrator seems to sigh out the discussion of him as well. You seem
to write of the oceanside moments playing out more fantastically, and
purposefully so, as to escape / as an element of escapism in this.
Sabrina’s “I’m Sorry I Never
Listened” :
A water theme. Anything elemental is going to be universally empathetic by our
nature. A poem that reads like a diaristic outpouring without interruption. It
all came naturally, which I respect. The ending, and it’s just a wrap around my
perception, should be the bang out of a Glock 43. It’s a typical cliche that
revolves around struggle and water (hence, being underwater, and drowning,
representing the struggle itself / feeling asphyxiated), but then again, it’s
extremely vulnerable. In songs, in writing -- the use of “drowning” or
“breathing underwater” (great song by Metric, by the way) is a timeless one.
It’s never exhausted. We just relate to it. With fire, it’s tiring. We don’t
physically feel fire regularly, but water /composes/ us, we drink it, we swim
in it, we cleanse ourselves with it, etc. It’s just /real/, which makes this
ending relatable, despite it’s second nature usage.
Cassandra’s “A Reflection” :
The poem immediately breaks out into a contradiction (the water is blue, but in actuality, it matches the color of your face, being the primary opposite which is red). Another one follows immediately after when you say utter in action that ripple. I’m not sure what the meaning of these paradoxes are; I encourage you to explore this, because I believe you’re going for a kind of a distraction here that misses a mark, but is surely reaching for it. The line in which you mention that you’re collecting each other I supposed to seashells is glorious – it’s extremely lyrical and is within point in the poem that really kicks in the juices of creative flow. However, The mood tones down a little bit with a subtle kind of condescending as opposed to affectionate in these interactions that you have. This is made evident when you have an italic made in the word this in the use of the word only. Overall, I think this piece has a lot of potential. But I can’t help but feel that there’s a lot of hesitation when it comes to you wanting to explore an imaginative word bank, or, allow a stream of consciousness take you wherever it goes. So, go ahead and let it all out. Instead of green, maybe jade.
Mariah’s “Parousia” :
Wow! Maria, your word
choices are like nectar for this poem. My eyes kept trailing line per line,
which is good, because I kept wanting to read more of what you were writing
because of the quality and not as a means to an end. It strikes me that you
have a bit of disdain towards these tourists, as if they are invaders in your
hometown, or your favorite town, a place in which you would defend against
those who would arrive with the sickness and ignorance that you mention. It gets
darker immediately when you mention the sea birds are broken Ness. An
environmental factor that we all hang our heads over. You have a strong empathy
towards this and then affect you greatly. And perhaps this is how you channel
this disdain. I don’t blame you. Especially right now, it is a highly sensitive
subject, but it is something that we, collectively, should participate in
having some heart for. You even know these creatures and how they live, how
they wander (how a little white-winged, angry bird could know more about the
meaning of return then 10,000 interfering tourists), how they exist. I dare not
to say coexist because that is exactly what you’re writing against. I mean,
that line is absolutely gifted. This whole poem is gifted, really.
Camden’s “Prologue To a 30
Page Suicide Note” :
First off, the title reveals that we, The readers, are going into a delicate subject here. Excruciatingly vulnerable at that. We enter the poem with a moment of embrace: bodies entwined. Impassioned. A seemingly memorable moment in which things are all carefree and well, Until the memory of this moment is swiped away by the darkness of nihilistic outlook. A middle finger to all deities. Then it switches back to first person perspective with them having a suicidal ideation, and I say this because clouds are not literally made of desperation, they are not warm and suffocating us with madness. I also can recognize this because in the final lines, The narrator reveals that they have a longing to discover new ways to live: life versus death, and the narrator has clearly chosen life, despite what has been taken from them which seems to be what was once a blooming heartfelt soon to go into the muck of all the bullshit, anyway. We’ve all been there. It sucks. We want to rage with the world, we want to test our limits. But you do have a beauty to this, in some twisted way then only one who has been through this would know about, and that is found in the Survivalism that The narrator has chosen. Your poems are simple but they are full of vulnerability. Confessional, even. So, use this to purge what is needed, use this to process what needs to be exerted from the depths of what can be artfully designed.
Alicia’s
Reviews
Abby’s “Cicada Bloom”
The poem
has a religious undertone which is interesting and provoking for the reader. The
symbolism in the poem is a way to understand the religious undertone. For
example, the use of birds can be seen as a comparison to angels. Another symbolism
I found interesting was when the bird “shat” on her. Feces is representative of
the cycle of life/religion, we take something in, take the good from it, and
release the bad. Almost representative of baptism, rebirth. I think this speaks
to the tension between religious beliefs one environmentally comes across or
grows up with and the formation of one’s own beliefs.
The use of diction in the poem is
ambiguous, such as, the word honey in the last line of the poem. Honey in some
cultures was used to heal. Additional religious connotations include Hinduism
where honey is a gift to the gods. In Judaism it is a symbol of the New
Year/renewal and in Christianity it is a symbol of a fulfilled life. This is a
nice ending for the poem because it not only seems like the speaker is
fulfilled in love/sex, but spirituallly. That the speaker has come to terms
with their own beliefs.
I think one of the lines I would
change is the line that says, “tastes like a plant of foreign origin”, it feels
kind of generic. Maybe you could bring it back around by saying, “tastes like
honeycomb”. Possibly, you could say, “tastes like sweet sugar maple” because
maples have sap. Overall, this is an amazing poem.
Brooke’s “FOR MY SAKE I COULD GIVE TWO SHITS ABOUT YOUR
SAKE”
There
seems to be a tension throughout the poem between the injustices
agriculture/labor and the speaker’s identity/voice in disagreement with that.
This is shown when the speaker uses the term, “palm tree bankrolls” which is
referring to the deforestation and heightened carbon emissions caused by the
rising consumption of palm oil. The diction used being “palm tree bankrolls”
not only hints at the idea that these companies are getting paid fat bankrolls,
but lightly plays with the symbolism of a palm tree is victory/immortality. It
seems that the speaker of the poem wants us to think there is no way to win
against these companies. The double entendre of Death Wish being coffee and the
desire to die being personified is brilliant. The ambiguity of this abstract idea
being turned into something tangible gives the reader a sense of how the author
is struggling with how to fight these issues.
The
speaker/voice within the poem is conceitful and sarcastic which is evident in
the line, “where the farmer’s broken hand is the dignity of the labor movement”
(4). The labor movement is supposed to improve conditions of workers, but most
agricultural workers end up being broken in the end. The concept is carried on
in the line about “inpatient repertoire” as if saying that the speaker will
play the role, but it feels like they’re trapped. I think the resolution in the
poem comes when the speaker discusses Hegel’s “Phenomenology of Spirit” which
is remolding one’s mind which is shown in the following like with a comparison
to kneading the deep soil.
Kylie’s “The flower”
The
metaphor in the poem of the flower speaks to the concept of love, but also the
acceptance that flowers eventually die. We can see this in the beginning when
the speaker uses the diction of “aging” in line 1. The older we get the closer
death becomes. In line 2, the speaker discusses baking in the sun, but when a
flower bakes in the sun it wilts and dies. The use of the flower
metaphor/personification creates conceit throughout the poem about love. This
personification is present when the speaker says, “my flower could never love
me” in line 14. The use of the word “infrared” is interesting due to its double
entendre of being electromagnetic, but yet rarely able to be seen, invisible.
There is another example of the love being non-existent in between the speaker
and the flower when there is an allure to the idea of silent comfort as their
love dies in the line “I see the warmth in things left frozen and unsaid”. The
lines are musical and elegant. However, I think the end-rhyming feels forced
and takes away from the potential of the poem in its entirety. I really love
the ambiguity of the poem. Funny thing, I read the last line as “I must be
whack” as if the speaker was questioning themselves for loving the flower.
Perhaps, even struf=ggling with a sense of self-worth. But I reread it and it
makes sense to say that you whacked the flower, cutting the life from it. It
gives a great sense of closure in love. I also want to say how the title of the
poem is even significant in the loss of significance of the flower to the
author because the “f” in flower isn't capitalized. Good poem!
Camden’s “Prologue to a 30 Page Suicide Note”
In this
poem, the short lines are effective in forcing the reader to find significant
meaning within each word of the poem. I really like how this poem starts off
with a sweet memory, but the tone changes throughout the poem as we come into
the speaker’s reality of committing suicide. The voice of the speaker is almost
satirical when criticizing “Christ who is never near” (8). The speaker seems to
be estranged from Christ (love). In the lines stating, “our bodies
entangled/your head on my chest” we can see this intertwinement with
religion/Christ (¾). However, I find it interesting that the speaker is
cradling religion like a baby on their chest. They are nurturing the growth in
their beliefs. The juxtaposition of the idea of “all is grace/the bullshit, the
lies” shows that sarcastic tone in regards to religion (⅚). Grace is giving
honor to something, but the speaker is downplaying the idea. This is a great
literary move. I like how throughout the poem there is a tension between death
(life/religion) and living (physical/rebirth). The speaker wants to physically
die by suicide, due to feeling estranged and alone from their religion. Christ
is representative of love, therefore the speaker seems to want someone to show
them love. This is significant in understanding the closure in the poem, the
speaker takes ownership of their life by stating, “I’ve got to find /new ways
to live” (15/16). The speaker becomes responsible for their own beliefs/ loving
themselves. I might consider making the line break after new to place
significance on renewal of thinking.
*
Mariah’s Poem 2 “Parousia”
In
this poem, I read it as a religious overtone with a sexual undertone. The
sexual undertone can be seen when discussing the “apoplectic stringed
bikinis/bleeding red” which seems to be discussing the loss of virginity/coming
to womanhood (¾). I read the “tourists” throughout the poem as men who the
speaker had experience with/people who are looking for sex; coming and going
from their life. Then, the stanza break became effective in line 8, when trying
to “find home” because home is where the heart is. The speaker, as well as the
other “birds” seem to be trying to find love. This search for “love” is
eventually being looked for by the tourists who “clock to nestle somewhere”
(14). The conclusion in the last line reminds me of the phrase, “when you love
something, set it free, if it comes back then it is meant to be”. The speaker
says the return is unstoppable.
If
we read the poem in the religious overtone, we can see this from the title of
the poem being “Parousia” meaning second coming. I read this biblically as the
second coming of Christ. When the speaker was discussing sickness, I
interpreted it as sinning/sexuality. When the speaker discusses “wrong
interpretation” I made the literal assumption that meant misinterpretation of
the word of God/the bible. The tourists become tourists of the church, people
who come and go within the church. In line 7 and 8 the speaker discusses the
“circular” motion of the people of the church to “find home”, religiously I
thought about a circle being eternally finding “home”. Christ is representative
of love therefore they were finding God/religion; possibly even being baptized.
The word “nestle'' is pleasantly ambiguous because it can mean become
comfortable within or become hidden by. I think the conclusion comes when the
speaker realizes that the sinning is necessary in order to inevitably find
their way to God.
*
Cassandra’s “ A Reflection”
This
poem uses a metaphor of a pool as a representation of the search for
self-identity. The title is “a reflection” is a double entendre meaning that
the speaker is reflecting/thinking about who they truly are (reflecting
inward), but also serves as a literal definition seeing one's reflection. The
metaphor of the pool is symbolic of a cool attitude which is a juxtaposition of
the idea of the speaker’s facial reflection being “red and steamy” (3). These
adjectives point to an angry speaker. The metaphor of the pool can also be
thought of as a larger body of water therefore, the reflection of anger seems
to be only a small piece of who they are. The line that discusses “drops of
utter inaction that ripple” is a nice juxtaposition because ripples are usually
caused by some sort of initial disturbance (4). The speaker points to no action
being a problem that emits an outward effect on the speaker’s life. The speaker
uses the word “marriage” ambiguously to not only describe the combining of two
sides of themself “living green scenery” and a “still pool”, but it can also be
a literal definition of a marriage between a man and a woman (5). The speaker
seems to be struggling with knowing who they are outside of this marriage and
this is why they are reflecting. The speaker seems to find comfort in love
being represented by fighting when stating, “the home of affection is not the
heart but the fists” (7). Perhaps, the anger that the speaker is reflecting
upon inside of themselves was environmentally learned throughout their
childhood and they're trying to change those behaviors that shaped them.
In
the poem, the speaker discusses “nothing in the water is real anymore” which I
think is pointing to the speaker’s loss of emotion/feeling (8). They even
follow that up by saying that their memories don't even evoke emotion anymore.
The image of collecting “seashells” is representative of the speaker building
up a hard, protective shell against abuse. Seashells are also used in Reiki for
healing. Therefore, I think when the speaker discusses “collecting each other”
in line 11, they begin trying to heal from the abuse by “paying homage to one
another. There seems to be so much rejection and abandonment which is
represented by their “turned backs” that this is impossible, I absolutely love
the image of a hiking/boots full of ticks stepping in the pool to mess it up. I
think hiking is a union with nature. Possibly a final union of the two
selfs that the speaker is struggling
with. I think the image of the ticks are important because they are literally a
parasite that latches onto a person. I think the speaker is saying that for now
they have resolution until someone comes along and ruins their sense of self.
Good poem.
*
Eva’s “Manatees”
This
poem is about love in it’s sweetest form which is apparent in the use of the
metaphor in the title “Manatees”, the symbolism of love. The speaker is very
descriptive with the use of imagery in this poem is vivid like the one of “eyes
dusting over the tangled branches of Adam’s arms” (4). This line also has diction like “tangled”
which has a literal meaning of being twisted together in the poem, but I think
it also has an ambiguous meaning of confusion. The speaker is confused on
whether this thing with Adam is truly love. This is confirmed in the next line,
“I tried to make sense of the heat”, the heat is a metaphor for their love. The
manatees that the speaker sees around them in line 7 can be read as other
relationships/love they see around them. The speaker even says “I wanted to
watch them/exist, plug my nose, scrape the bottom of the world” meaning they
wanted to know that love, but they held themselves back from diving into love
at that time (10). In line 11, the speaker talks about their “rented scuba
gear” which is important in understanding that the love isn't permanent to the
speaker at this time in the poem. The speaker goes on to talk about “toes
gutting the jagged, lethal ground before me” to signify tip toeing into love
despite the fact that it may kill them(13). We can see the effort the speaker
is putting forth to get to love as they “hallow a path” to his “outstretched
body” (14). His/Adam's body being outstretched is significant because he has
opened himself up to her. She cradles him as if she is finally accepting her
love for him. In the last line, the speaker is explaining that no one will
understand him like they do.
I like all the
alliteration within the poem like “sharded-salt-sand”. This craft creates easy
readability, as well as, a musicality to the poem. The juxtaposition of the
speaker being “flattened/ like driftwood” creates a sense of relatability to
the speaker due to the different descriptions of who the speaker is. I enjoyed
this poem.
*
Sabrina’s “I'm Sorry I Never Listened”
There
seems to be a tension between the speaker desiring to love/be loved and that
love “drowning” them. The poem starts off with a story of a man who tells the
speaker that “you do not have to drink the sea” (3). This is a translation from
the French saying from the line above which is suggestive of a sexual phrase if
we compare sea to semen. French is the language of love which is pertinent
because later on in the poem the speaker meets a boy who has “perverted eyes”
(12). We see the poem building up to this idea of love and sexuality as we talk
about the sea that represents human emotion/depth of feelings and it can also
be looked at as a symbolism of fertility. There is also a sense of pressure
placed on the speaker in line 6 when they say, “like I wasn’t already pulled
under”. So, to recap we have a man who loved the speaker telling her a story in
which he’s giving her the advice that she doesn’t have to be pressured into
love/sex. But the speaker says, it isn’t that easy.
The
speaker says, “Years later, my feet were dug into the sand” which I find
interesting because it is another sexual innuendo because feet are a phallic
symbol and they are dug into sand which usually can be interpreted as time (7).
This can be read as over time the speaker has had more love/sexual experiences
under their belt. Then, this breeze comes that the speaker says, “hugged me
closely” suggesting a familiarity and comforting feeling. Now, we are presented
with this boy, but at first I think I read the line wrong. I read it as “And
boy (let me tell you , he was) cunning in nature”. I reread it as this boy is
cunning in nature, he is deceitful. Maybe that the only thing he wants from the
speaker is sex since he has “perverted eyes” (12). The speaker then states that
“I am drinking the sea” which I interpreted as they are sexually intimate/ in
love with this boy. I love the assonance in the line “a shiver nipping/ at a
dip in my back” (13/14). Then it is described as a “warning” that the speaker
doesn’t listen to about drinking the sea. Then the last two lines of the poem
are this closure saying “you taught me how to swim'', you taught me how to
love, but now the speaker is “drowning/cannot breath”. There becomes this sense
of regret like the speaker has gotten themselves in too deep which relates to
the title of the poem being “I am sorry I never listened”. Good poem
Mariah’s Reviews
For Eva—I have to say, I’m not really sure what is happening
in this poem sometimes (like is the person in the poem a manatee at the end, or
just wearing their flippers on their hands? I don’t know) but there’s a nice
surrealism to that, and it kind of adds this feeling of being a bit lost in the
relationship.
I like the first line
a lot. I like how there is sort of a paradox between “unabridged” and
“flattened” because the first implies something big and full while the second
is something shrunken down and made small. For some reason the commas in the
first line threw the rhythm off for me though. I would personally consider
taking out the first comma before unabridged.
And I think the way that you use the contrasting ideas of
heat and coolness works very well (the hot summer contrasted to the water and
the cool sunscreen) I like especially
how that echoes back in the last line “all anger until you know”, seemingly
bringing us full circle to the persona’s acceptance of this other person (Adam)
for who he is.
For Sabrina—I really like the first two lines. In general,
the language in the poem is really strong, and the way that you keep coming
back to the saying in French about drinking the sea is so cool. Honestly, I
don’t think there’s anything to change here (other than the few typos.) You’ve
done such a good job with the balance of it, like what we talked over in class.
I love how you don’t have this really over-the-top visual language, how everything
is kind of stated matter-of-factly, but you still get these strong mental
pictures from it, like where the “friends darken their skin, beach towels/ and
salty air, showing so much but so little.” I love that! And even just the way
you italicized the text that you did. Really good writing. There’s not much to
say honestly because it’s written so well.
For Cassandra—I really like the rhythm you have in the first
few lines. The line break between “it is the color” and “of my face” is such a
strong use of line. I love how it creates a stronger contrast between the cool
water and the red of this person’ face. There is also some excellent writing
and wordplay in here. “Which is to say the home of affection is not the heart
but the fists” and “your turned back paying homage to mine but doing it better”
are particularly powerful. The only real critique I have is that there are a
few places where the sentence structure through me off a bit especially at the
line “is the scene playing behind me of”. This seemed a bit confusing to me.
But overall it seems like strong writing (and the sort of conversational,
sarcastic tone you pull off is great!)
For Camden—Agreed, the last two lines juxtaposed with the
title make the last lines particularly strong. I like the enjambment of the
lines “I remember/ laying next to you on the beach”. I do almost see “the
Christ who is never near” as feeling a bit off here. It’s a strong idea
(especially in the way it’s placed alongside the mention of grace) and it does
seem important for the content in the poem, but something about the wording
(like David mentioned in class) feels like it could be different. Otherwise, I
would encourage you play a bit more with the language. Your style does seem to
be more prosaic, but even so I think there are points where this poem could be
made a bit stronger by playing with it.
For Kylie—First of all, I LOVE the humor in the final line.
And I agree with Eva that some of your word-choices, things like “heat”, “red”
“infrared” give a very good tone, but that tone does get thrown off a little
bit by keeping up the rhyme scheme. I would encourage you to see if you can
rewrite it, keeping those tonal words but removing some of the rhymes and meter
if you can. Although the last two stanzas of the poem are strong (I think you
could leave those.) I do actually like the way you tossed the people into the
middle of the poem. I think if you could tie the middle part a bit more to what
is happening with the beetle (maybe with a simile or direct comparison between
the people and the beetle and the bees.)
For Brooke—Some of the word choices you have here are SO
good. I particularly like “looming” and “isolate”. (This reminds me so much of
rural Canada, maybe one of those gross old Quebecois men who chew tobacco but
it also has an American feel to it.) There is so much good here, I don’t have
much to say as far as improvement. “The garter snakes are usually freed. It’s
aa common courtesy” is my favourite thing I’ve read in class so far. The humor
there is amazing and the rhythm of the caesura there. (Possibly for the “making
my inpatient repertoire into humor” line “turning” instead of “making” might
fit better??)
Eva's Reviews (Poem 3)
Sabrina’s ithinktoomuchithinktoomuchithink-
This poem sprawls both in form and
in content, taking the reader through an array of anxiety, jealousy, sadness,
and anger. I love it! It feels very true and genuine and not overtly angsty in
a way that makes the reader want to turn away and dismiss it as the ranting of
some pissed off teen. Well done!
The poem begins exploring a shy girl who
is anxious and does not want to go out partying with the rest of her friends.
It is clear she is both insecure and anxious about going on and perhaps jealous
of her friends. The following lines help make the poem more concrete, give us a
sense of place, and establish the tone of the poem further:
“I
lay in the comfort of my bed instead, fabric
made
of dreams and a ceiling full of time-capsules
containing
watercolor skies and temporary loves.”
These
were some of my favorite lines in the poem because of how effectively they make
me as a reader want to curl up with a good book and stay in as well. They
create a sort of empathizing with the reader. It does this before turning more
intimately to the personal of the speaker’s love life. SO, ultimately the poem
is also about love, loss, and longing.
In the end it turns into a little bit of a reflection as to whether the
lover is still in love with the speaker and it leaves the reader here, feeling
isolated in contrast with the comfort of curling up with a good book in bed.
Camden’s A Fucked up Prayer
Once
again a poem from Camden that can seemingly be read in ordinary terms but also
in a religious sense. And once again a poem which seems to be about loss and
doubt and love all at once. I love the beginning of the poem which both sets
the tone and place of the poem. We are in a churchyard in the fall, something
both beautiful but also a little chilly and for some reason churchyards in
general make me think of loss, sadness, and obviously religion so by starting
the reader off with that imagery, immediately the poem is situated well.
Furthermore, I think the lineage of the poem works well here. The short, more
abrupt lines cause the reader to think about the loss in a sort of stop-start
motion manner. The title here works both ironically but also serious in a way.
It does come across as just that, a fucked up prayer, a sort of desperation and
pleading prayer to be shown how to not doubt. So, overall it is doing a lot in
its short, compact form.
Cassandra’s My Personal Ghost of You
The
title here immediately establishes that this will be a personal, narrative-like
poem by emphasizing the ‘my’ and ‘personal’. I love the conversational aspect
of it because it almost seems like the speaker is having a conversation with
the ghost. “ ...Materializing in the cast of extras to spy on me eating my
late-night cereal,” roots the poem in a very vivid living room scene. A place
of comfort now invaded by this ghost of the speaker’s past. The poem continues
with the reader almost trying to convince themselves that they are not crazy by
working through a line of reasoning where they have to reaffirm their own
sanity. Sort of reminds me of how in the Good
Bones poem the speaker was trying to evade guilt by restating “ I keep this
from my children,”.
Also on form we have these shorter lines
disrupted jarringly by these really long, descriptive lines… and when I say
jarring I mean so in a good, effective way. It is like that is the ghost itself
popping in on us all unexpectedly.
Then
of course, as the poem progresses it grows more intense and urgent. The reader
is almost losing it and still trying to convince=e themselves that they are not
insane. They are pleading with the ghost to go home, lost in memories, and all
what seems to no avail. I love the way the poem moves from slower, more
reflective to fast-paced and urgent. It all feels very well done. It has a sort
of disorder to it but an orderly disorder, a purposeful chaos that works along
with the conversational nature of the poem; one feels they might be able to
relate with their own ghosts of past relationships in their lives, memories do
that to us sometimes. return uninvited and unannounced and haunt us and we are
left unable to do anything about it.
Childhood’s End (Mariah)
Pace!
Diction! Form! Sense of Place! All of these come together so naturally in this
poem. I feel for the onset transported back into a life I never even lived in
this poem. It is a true narrative poem but still uses its lyricism well. Use of
color within the first section of the poem is so well done, grounding the poem,
creating a sense of place and like I said, it transports the reader into the
past with the speaker. I mean, the details here all matter and seem so
perfectly chosen to fit in from the popsicle blue to the dinosaur pattern. It
seems like it could not be any other way. And the poem moves past in this
past-nostalgic world of children to a darker place. It is almost like it goes
from the child-like play to the reality of the adult world, so to speak. And
Mariah’s use of line breaks make this content transition happen perfectly…
“have wondered:/was it one of ours?” Now, we are suddenly boom! in a fire that
is killing people. We have left the world of child play and literally aged
within the frame of the poem. Yet, there is the innocence of the children not
really understanding the concept of death or the cruelty of their own ignorance
at the end of the poem. And at the end, this poem ends well. I don’t feel like
something was missing or I needed to know more or wanted a different ending; it
just felt to conclude the right, intended way, if that makes sense.
Overall,
I thought this was actually my favorite of Mariah’s poems so far, not
because it was inherently superior to the others or anything but I just think
all of the elements came together in such a perfectly, compact manner that this
poem shines so brightly. Spectacular work as always, Mariah.
Kylie’s Willow
Once
again, I think this poem has a lot to say, but maybe too much because it
becomes a little murky at times and I would recommend removing the rhyming or
at least some of them. The poem seems to get lost because it does not feel
super rooted in a vivid sense of place for me as a reader. It does, however,
postulate a sense of identity and an ongoing search/exploration of that
identity. It also reminds me more of some of Cassandra’s poems in its more
conversational elements. The form does not seem to pose any major problems
though it does begin to feel a little long, I think just cutting the poem down
in general would help neaten it up and take away some of this length. We want
our poems to have a place for everything in them and at times in this poem I am
left wondering, does this really need to be here or why is this here? Overall,
I think it needs revising because it is hard for me to comment a lot on the
content of the poem when I feel trailed off in many different directions But it
has just that, a lot of power and potential and sometimes our poems just demand
more editing that other poems we write. So stick with this one for sure, Kylie.
Dramamine / Abby
Hill
This poem does a lot in a neat, compact manner. I think
its strongest point is the diction. I mean, the word choice here blows me away.
I love the dark, earthiness I get from the poem and its lyricism is
spectacular. That first line is a very strong beginning to the poem, it draws
the reader in and makes me want to read on. Not to mention it has a sense of
place from the onset, kitchen, sunroof, and this kind of golden haze draping over
everything. And then it gets to addressing the ‘you’ of the poem and
immediately brings in a conflict in a very narrative like manner. The ‘you’
does not listen to the speaker and simissed the speaker as insane or delusional
from the beginning. So along with the literal descriptions of rundownness ( to
make me own term), we also get a sense of a relationship which mimics visual
decay, a bond in the ruins. I think it is a mother-daughter thing because of
the lines about breathing through the salamander skin! And can we all just take
a moment to appreciate the beauty of that description. I love it! And so this
poem becomes very surreal but still understandable about a young teen sneaking
out while her mother sleeps to go off and do teenage-hoodlum shit into the wee
hours of the night. Yet, it also delicately reflects on that motherly
relationship because it talks about the everyday, which really grounds the
poem, in a less surrealistic sense… the mom in the kitchen frying food with her
curlers in her hair… That sort of thing takes us out from the sort of Alic
-in-Wonderlandsence sort of element to the poem and roots in in reality. And
that is why this poem is so strong, because it has the balance and the reader
does not get too absorbed in a fantasy world or lost in the meaning of the poem
that way. The rest of the poem leaves me wondering what happened between the
speaker of the poem and the motherly figure being addressed. Did she die? Are
they estranged? Has their relationship gotten so bad that they just don’t talk
like they used to? Regardless, I don’t feel like we need to have that answered
in the poem. I like that ambiguity here. And I like the form, structure,
diction, balance, plot line, lyricism, and overall I just think this is an
extremely strong poem!
Brooke’s Honeycomb Playground
This poem feels like an explosion of identity! I feel like
I need to unpack that more as I go through my reading and critique of the poem
but that is just my initial vibes from the poem. I really think the entire
thing leers at you, in a good way, as this dense, long-legged block of text
which demands to be read slowly and then read again with more keen eyes. It has
a lot going on for it. First, its structure-- the density-- the long-lines
convey a sort of personal rant-like, almost monological voice. Very narrative
like for sure. Very real and based in the real world but somehow still
out-there, strange. And this comes from the diction of the poem. I mean it is
both conversational, and has a narrative voice, a very personal voice, but it
also has this seen from outside quality to it. I don’t really have the right
words for all of this. But, what I am trying to say is both the form and the
diction in this poem are very effective.
And there is a sort of self-reflection almost critical at times
throughout the poem as well. Almost, like you can make fun of not really having
a place to stay or your Saturn-like ego, etc. It all postulates someone who
clearly knows where they come from and who they are but is also still sifting
through the destris of those roots, etc. The poem just runs and runs and seeks
while simultaneously expressing the very thing that it is seeking, identity.
Definitely my favorite of yours so far because of the force it has behind
it!
Alice Lang’s What’s a Weed to Wildflower?
Love the inquisitive nature of the title here, makes the
reader wonder what the poem is going to really explore and invites us into a
space that seemingly is going to evoke nature metaphorically throughout the
poem from the onset. Then the poem begins and we get the setting and voice
strongly from the start. And the details here are important, the chair is not
just any patio chair: it is plastic and it is from the dollar store. It is
summer. There are cicadas...etc…the poem’s details really add a lot to the poem
and ambiguity here would not work. I am not sure I understand the structural
choice made in the poem though, like shifting the lines and indenting them a
little after the beginning of the poem. Yes, there is a change in tone there
and also a change in diction. We go from the very basic descriptions of the
speaker’s narration to a more, almost spiritual, less grounded line of thought…
BUT I still feel that the indent through me off as a reader more than aided me
in understanding the poem. However, lines 6 through 9 really shined for me. We
get that identity as someone who feels that they are white-trash ( reminsine of
the mention of the plastic dollar-store chair earlier in the poem). We get a
sense of self- deprecation and criticism of that identity. She gets that this
person feels they are the weed in comparison to a bunch of wildflowers and may
even be in their backyard right now pondering that as they sit among their
garden. Of course, the poem turns and takes all of that self-criticism and well
as all the outward criticism she received and aims it at the haters, violently.
She wants those flowers to blister in the sun, wither, and die. And I think
having that turn in the poem instead of keeping it a self-reflective poem is
what keeps it from becoming sappy or overly sentimental. It works well here. In
fact, a lot is working well here. The only thing I still am hesitant about is
the use of indentations. Otherwise, I loved it!
“Childhood’s
End” (poem 3) by Mariah:
This reminds
me of your short story written in the last class with Lee I had with you! The
one that’s also in last year’s Analecta: “If, Leviathan,” in which that
woman’s house burns, and so does she. That was a great story, and this is a
great poem in turn. I love the theme of innocence—lost innocence—in this
poem, but what I love most that you do with that idea is that you tell us that
yes, for the speaker and their friends, “innocence [was] lost to us.” But
still, by the end of the scene, they don’t even know it yet. I also like
the detail, in the midst of all of your fire-like imagery, of the children
described as “sun-burnt” themselves. Just all of your imagery, really, is
great.
“A Fucked Up Prayer” by Camden (Poem 3)
The thing
that stands out to me the most here is the use of “you” or “You”; sometimes it
is capitalized, clearly addressing God, and sometimes it is not. It reminds me
of our discussion of your Poem 1 and how some of us immediately saw it as
addressing the heavenly Father Himself, but some thought it could also
be referring to just a human father. There is some ambiguity in this one, too. The
speaker is talking about loss, all of the “yous” lost, and it includes both
spiritual and physical people. There’s also something about the first lines
that I love: “Churchyard - / late fall, the red oak leaves / swaying in the
wind,” etc. It is set up almost like a script for a play or a movie, and I
think that’s a neat move.
“ithinktoomuchithinktoomuchithink-“ by Sabrina (Poem 3)
I love the
style of it; if I haven’t said it too much yet, the conversational style of
poem is my favorite, and this one was so great to read. It also is just so relatable
in multiple ways: there’s the first part, talking about social anxiety or
exhaustion—which I have both struggled with before—and the second part,
examining this relationship that is “An agreement to fall in love, just to get
heartbroken.” That line is just so painfully true, as well as, “’THE END IS
SURELY NEAR: A LOVE STORY!’” The only thing that’s causing me some confusion is
the combination of the two “parts” of the poem—the social anxiety talk followed
by the heartbreak story. The speaker says that they are not going out because
they are “socially exhausted” but then confesses they are just lying in bed and
thinking about this heartbreak. So it doesn’t seem to be social exhaustion
stopping them but maybe emotional exhaustion or something.
Comments
Post a Comment